I have officially survived my freshman year of college. And I have learned a whole lot, too. Only now do I realize what a piece of work I was back in September. God had a lot for me to learn, and I am very happy to say I've learned and grew a whole bunch. I honestly understand James 1:2-3 at this point in my life looking back: "Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith provides endurance." And I know the lessons I must learn are great and will continue my entire life, thanks to James 1:4: "But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." So here I am. I've given it all up to God.
So I know I am not a writer. This was made very evident to me based on my last journal entry. Thanks everyone for all of your comments, both on LiveJournal and MySpace. I really appreciate them. I think, however, that the message I was trying to convey didn't quite come out like I wanted it to. Which goes to show you how one can pass NYU's writing proficiency exam and still not be a very proficient writer :)
At the beginning of the semester, I fully expected God's timetable to line up with my own timetable. I had a plan and God was just going to have to work around what I had planned. Yeah, right. Now I know better. And I can honestly say I have given it all up to Him. I am living on God's time now, not my time anymore. I understand now. At least, I understand much more now than I did then. I will always be learning and growing in Him. But until I actually grew, I couldn't see that I had grown. It's kind of like... one day you wake up and notice the bathroom sink is lower than it used to be. Or the kitchen counter is lower than it used to be. Those kind of things help you notice that you've grown taller. God works kind of like that. Like when I came back to my house, I could feel... bad things. Not like my family was possessed by demons or anything like that, but I could feel that they had been hanging around my house. I called upon the Word to cast them away from my room and my house and my family. Satan has no authority in my house. I am bought and paid for by the blood of the Lamb, by Jesus Christ. I couldn't sleep last night, not just because it was way too quiet but because I could feel evil's presence. Now they know Jesus is (literally) in the house. But coming back home, I remembered what my life was like before I was a Christian. I remembered the burdens I carried around and the pain I constantly felt. Now, I have no idea how I survived so long without God. I know He was always there with me anyway, but I kept pushing Him away. And if I'm not home, I know His presence is not as strong in my house. Is this making any sense?... see I'm not a writer. But I'm trying here :)
So I guess my point is that no worries, God is good and He's completely and totally in control of my life. He loves me and has a plan and a purpose for my life. Praise God. So I will be patient and still and know He is the Lord. So I have given it all up to God. I am His instrument here on Earth.
I was writing my last entry from the perspective of where I was, not where I am now. Does that make sense?
And I don't want to discourage comments. Keep them coming :)
This reminds me of over last summer, Pastor Skip talked about God's timetable. And I learned a whole lot then. I read Ecclesiastes in a whole new light. But I never took the step to applying it to my entire life. I only applied it selectively. Same way with Psalm 55:22. I only casted the largest burden on my heart to God. I still kept the smaller ones, not realizing they were also weighing me down. Now they are all cast out. This was never more apparent to me than last Thursday, when I received a piece of bad news. It was transferred to me from the person who told it to me, and I knew I was the one shouldering their burden. So I cast it to the Lord. And He gave me His peace. It was incredible.
So now I have patience. More patience than I used to have, anyway.
And now I'm back here. Back to country music, back to driving, back to the quiet. And of course, back to my family and friends. And swing dancing :)
Je suis contente.
Whatever happens, happens. Because God wills it. Amen.
The drive down from New York was nice. Tennessee is absolutely beautiful. So is Virginia. And Alabama. I loved the Smokey Mountains.
We stopped at a Waffle House in Alabama. This was the most Alabama-ey place I've ever been to. I loved it.
See, now that I'm back in the country, I don't want to leave. I want to leave my parents house, but I still love the country.
"I was born country and that's what I'll always be/Like the rivers and the woodlands wild and free"
If I'm in New York, I want to stay in New York. If I'm in the country, I want to stay in the country.
I don't know.
But God does.
Thank You Jesus.
I love life. I love my backyard. And my cats are still adorable. Oh, and there's been a new addition to the family. Her name is Booke. She is calico and tiny and so cute. Now we have three cats: Belle, Booke and Candle. Aren't we punny! Haha :) Belle is actually asleep in my bed right now. She's gonna have to move in a minute.
And I got most of my stuff unpacked today, yes. All that's left is one suitcase of clothes. All the clothes I own.
Now I must go to bed. Goodnight everyone. Quote for the day is:
"Nothing wrong with the Bible/Nothing wrong with the flag/Nothing wrong with the working man"